I am at work, sitting at my desk in a silent office. This is meant to be a sales office yet you can hear a pin drop….unless I am on the phone. Why did I do it, why did I get into sales? That my friends is a whole other story which I share with you.
Any how, considering I am writing my blog instead of doing my work clearly! this isn’t the right place for me to be, working is difficult if you don’t like what you do! so lately I have been researching and thinking of what I could for myself. I use to read papers on my commute, I had a social life and a lot of people around me when I lived in London. It made it easier to be inspired and find potential gaps in the market, just random ideas that could materialise into something, but while my social circle disappeared and routines kicked in I found myself being less and less creative.
I guess another reason for my lack of thinking of ideas is that the realist in me woke up, since I have been 16 and got my first Saturday job for £2 an hour I never really valued money, I would always splash it all away as soon as I got paid…..it was all a waste, shopping whilst fun is truly a waste of money and I guess reflecting back it was the foundation of my downfall in reaching my goals in life. No amount of new clothes can make up for the fact that the debt I got into by not valuing money restricted any move or choice I wanted to make.
Since childhood I always! wanted to have my own business, with that came my creative mind to spot opportunities, mixed in with the anchor of debt and my monthly salary getting eaten up by my over draft and monthly payments. I know for a fact that with what should have been disposable income I should and would have had something successfully set up…but I don’t.
I had ideas similar to Uber ten years ago, I had lingerie ideas which I still haven’t seen in the market, I had dessert ideas fifteen years ago, I had fashion ideas for the Indian Boutique market which I did a brilliant business plan for, but for some reason or another nothing ever materialised….well one main reason…lack of funds and the second main reason analysis paralysis. Now this is a new concept for me, I thought it was just me. My pattern is, I get an idea, I research and research and research and analyse and write, draw which leads me to think think think and then bam! I hit a wall, I have taken in so m much information and seen the bigger picture of the amount of big and small things I need to do that I go blank and it sits in my book as another idea which someone else will actually action and complete!
My brain literally hasn’t stopped thinking recently of what I can do now, what can I do whilst I keep this sales job that I hate so much. I am currently looking into subscription box services and whilst it is so saturated I want to see if I can actually follow through with one of my ideas.
I can’t help but ask myself, I am 34 still got debts! now have a mortgage and plan on having a family in the next couple of years….have I missed my boat? It’s not as simple as when I was single, now I have many more commitments. My fear is, these questions and negative thoughts will drag me down and continue to stunt any progress into the self employed business world.
What truly sucks is that I know somewhere deep inside me that I was made to do something more! I wasn’t made to sit here at a desk and make calls like a monkey to fill the pockets of others. I want the freedom to make my own decisions, to build my own empire. It’s easy to say just do it, because life doesn’t make it that easy. I wonder how many others who have great potential and dreams suffer from analysis paralysis and how they got over it, got over debts issues to still find success at the end.
If I was employed to come up with ideas I would be so successful! But I am not, and sadly all my ideas remain as ideas because I can’t and because I don’t take action. Don’t do what I have been doing, please value your earnings, live within your means and look continuously at the bigger picture of life, I surely didn’t. Which is why my dream if already having a stable business at the age of 34 will remain a dream.